Coach Wade - The Dragonslayer

A lesson in empathy and identity by dissecting interactions between three Survivor legends

Photo by Elina Sazonova

Survivor is one of my favorite television shows. It's without peer. No other game show has such rich characters, incredible cinematography, sterling challenges, and enough depth in strategy to tickle the hardcore fan without alienating the casual ones. That's not to say I don't have issues with it. After 45 seasons, there's plenty of room for criticism. But what brings me back each season is the cast. Their personalities and their interactions fascinate me.

I'd like to dissect a scene from Survivor. I don't know why I want to do this. But I do—so I will.

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Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains is one of the best seasons in the show's history. It's my personal favorite. They brought back twenty of the show's most vibrant characters, classified them as a hero or a villain, and set them to the task. The result? Fourteen episodes of the collision between social politics and raw human emotion.

There are a few things you need to know before I share the clip. The scene in question features three people. Coach Wade, Tyson Apostol, and Boston Rob Mariano. Coach and Tyson played on a previous season together, so they've already established their relationship inside and outside the game.

Boston Rob is different. He's one of the show's biggest stars. By the time he hits the beach on season twenty, he has two seasons of Survivor and two seasons of The Amazing Race under his belt. He's not the first Survivor celebrity, but he might the biggest. This is relevant, because Coach admires Rob. He relishes the opportunity to "go to battle" with him.

I'll explain the rest as we go. Let's dissect "Coach Breaks Down" from the fourth episode of Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains.

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For those unfamiliar with the narrative structure of Survivor, the clip begins with the castaways returning to camp following a tribal council. At tribal, castaways vote to eliminate others from the game. Before the votes are cast Jeff Probst grills the tribe to maximize the drama. I hesitate to call Jeff the host because, while he performs those duties, he's such a fixture in the game he becomes part of it. He's a human game mechanic.

Coach is reacting to a conversation at tribal council that he took issue with. This is remarkable. Most times the focus following tribal is around the person voted out. Instead, a wounded Coach is searching for answers. He notes his confidence, his accomplishments, and his mask of machismo to the camera. It cuts to Coach pontificating to Tyson about his unique nobility.

These are common themes from Coach. He refers to himself as the dragonslayer—at a rate far higher than a normal human being. It's nothing new to Tyson. He's been through this before and he's doing his best to listen. He cracks Coach open with seven words "I understand where you're coming from, dude." Tyson identifies Coach is looking for validation. What Coach doesn't expect is an olive branch. Tyson tells Coach he's there for him and that he'll help him through it if he wants but that he might tell him things he doesn't want to hear.

Coach can't help himself. "Like what?" he asks. In this moment, whether Tyson is operating as a friend or a strategist is an open question. I'd argue it's both. A strong social game is one of the strongest indicators of Survivor success. You need to vote people out of the game and they turn around and vote for a winner. If they don't like or respect you, your chances drop. Tyson builds an ally by strengthening a friendship.

Tyson delivers a harsh message to Coach. He does it with such monotone and clarity that it can't help but come off sincere.

"Don't wear feathers in your hair at tribal. Don't tell your stories, people don't believe your stories. They mock you. There's no reason to tell them. Do your Thai Chi¹ in private where nobody can see you."

Tyson steers clear from attacking Coach's identity. He doesn't tell him not to wear feathers at all, or because they are dumb, he tells him not to wear them to tribal. He doesn't tell him that he doesn't believe his stories, he tells him that the other's don't believe him. He doesn't tell him that his Thai Chi is stupid, he tells him to do it in private. Tyson means to push Coach to think about his behavior and how that might impact his relationship with his tribemates.

It's a message Coach needs to hear, but it doesn't get through. At some level, Tyson is asking Coach to shed his identity. He sees through the machismo and recognizes it's not helping him. Instead of taking a moment to reflect, Coach takes the easy way out. He threatens to leave the game. Coach knows the Villains need the numbers and puts Tyson in a position to praise. He gives Coach the validation he seeks and allows him to maintain his identity as a noble warrior.

Rob on the other hand—he cuts deep. He knows Coach is putting up an act. That's easy for anyone to see. Rob takes a harsher approach. He attacks Coach's identity. "That's not much of a coach if you ask me," he says. Rob knows this feedback would result in a apoplectic reaction. He's smart enough to tell it to the camera, not the man.

At this point, it's worth noting that Coach's given name is Benjamin. And he does NOT like it when you call him that. He claims his own mother calls him Coach. That's how much he's internalized the moniker.

Rob's no fool. He's playing a game and he needs Coach's vote. His approach is efficient. He gives Coach what he's asking for. You're not on the outside. You're in. You're one of us. You're safe. You've got nothing to worry about. I know you're hurting. It's alright. A rapid fire love bomb. Tyson means to improve Coach as a person. Rob means to further himself in the game. Both strategies are a way to gain favor with Coach. Both are effective.

Coach responds by flipping back to his childish bluster. It's wild to witness. He wants to "sharpen each other." Nobody says that, means it, and is taken seriously. I respect the sentiment, but how it's delivered needs work.

Rob slips, he doesn't need to say anything more. He asks for trust without realizing that he's earned it. Coach threatens to crack and gets desperate. Rob doesn't have the emotional intelligence and the patience to have a sincere conversation with him. He stonewalls. He walks away. He goes from having favor to blowing it up.²

"Pick your fucking head up. Act like a man," Rob says.

Benjamin Wade wilts.

A few minutes later, Benjamin retreats.

Coach returns.

"I'm different than most people. One of a kind. The Last of the Mohicans. King Arthur. Legend. Nobody out here has got what I have. Confucius says the greatest glory a man can have is not in never falling but in rising again every time he falls. And I fell hard last night. You gotta be weak to be strong and there is power in weakness. Today's challenge you'll see, an even fiercer warrior from me."

Goofball? Absolutely. But is he on to something? Absolutely.

1. Coach calls this Dragonslayer-Chi.

2. I argue this was a critical error in Rob's game. In the next episode, Russell Hantz detects weakness in Coach and shares critical information with him to earn his trust. Coach responds by requesting Russell knight him. I'm not joking. A few episodes later Coach can't make a decision between Rob and Russell. He takes the cowards way out, throwing a stray vote and sends Rob packing. Not before Rob rebukes Coach’s attempt to hug him, while telling him “You’re a little man.” Ouch.